There was a wedding this morning. The groom was my mother’s friend’s son and I told my father jokingly, that a lot of hearts would be broken all over the world today because he was getting married.
And my Dad made an interesting point.
‘I don’t think a lot of hearts would be broken. There is a difference between boyfriend-material and husband-material. People are willing to play around, but when it comes to settling down with them for the rest of their lives, it becomes a serious decision.’
As much as I had heard such statements before, it never struck me so much as today. Not to mention, I attended my younger brother’s high school funfair, and as I sat in his high school, it reminded me so much of the time when I had all those desires and ideas about dating. High school was a time when all us girls wrote down checklists of what we wanted in a guy, and considered boys as prospective boyfriends. And it got me thinking about the whole idea of singleness, dating and marriage. Yes, I thought about all this at a funfair. Hahaha!
Being single, I have a few thoughts that I would like to share. I’m sure these thoughts have been reiterated many times, but I suppose it’s worth mentioning again.
1. Husband Material
Personally, I think that dating should be taken seriously. As my good friend once put it, ‘when dating, we should work towards marriage‘. It does not mean that whoever we date will automatically in time become our husband, but we should date with the idea that our partner could possibly become our life partner in the future.
When I was 16, my friends asked me why I couldn’t just date someone ‘to gain experience’. But the thing is, there is so much emotion and effort put into each relationship. We invest emotionally, physically and psychologically into relationships that we treasure. So, I want to take dating seriously. I want to consider it carefully because I want to be able to say that the relationship (whether or not I marry the person or not) was one that was worth it, and was one that I had taken careful thought before entering into.
Furthermore, I want to take marriage seriously – To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Yes sure, it’s cool to say ‘we can always divorce’, but I think it’s cooler to say that I want to wholeheartedly commit to one person for my whole life. And that is why I want to look for husband-material, because I want my marriage to last.
In this respect, it’s good to look for someone with husband material. Sure, he has to be fun but do I think he fits my criteria as husband? Does he have the emotional maturity to protect and guide me through life’s trials? Does he have the spiritual maturity to inspire me to grow closer to God?
2. ‘The One’
As we all know, we girls love to make lists and criteria for our future boyfriends and husband. However, it never struck me that in a way, we girls were being hypocritical and blind. What about us? Do we ever write a checklist on how we are to be suitable girlfriends or wives?
It is as if I am so perfect and desirable that every person wants me, and that I have the liberty to choose and write a checklist on who is suitable for me!
Just recently, my friend quoted from a pastor –
Don’t just wait for ‘The One’ to come along. Make sure that you are also ‘The One’
While waiting, we need to grow in wisdom and maturity as well. And I pray that I would learn to do that.
3. Focus On God
Enjoy singleness. I do sometimes joke about wanting a boyfriend, but I’m not lonely. I like my me-time. I like my time with God as well.
I want to be able to love God wholeheartedly – or as much as I can first – before entering into a relationship. I want to be able to put God first above my partner.
I have always been astounded by a boy and a girl, who deeply love each other, but love God even more. I am amazed by the image of a couple standing next to each other in church, yet totally focused and overwhelmed by the presence of God. Worshiping together side by side, yet unaware of each other’s presence because all they want to do is standing in God’s presence and worship Him. What a wonderful and beautiful picture of love and a Greater Love!
And I suppose this image is ultimately transformed into one where the bride and the groom stand in church at the altar and sing praises to God before they say their wedding vows. They are ecstatic to get married in a few minutes, yet their attention is wholly given to God in those moments of praise.
What a sight. What a love.
How beautiful the radiant bride
Who waits for her groom with His light in her eyes
How beautiful when humble hearts give
The fruit of pure lives so that others may live
‘How Beautiful’ by Twila Paris